[He's not always great at remembering names, but it did strike him as sort of funny that a guy who steps out of portals would have a name as ordinary as Kyle.]
I'm okay.
[Well, that's what you're supposed to say, anyway.]
I decided to go to the Nightbloom. There was ballroom dancing and a giant, glowing flower. I think I might've accidentally drank something with blood in it.
[So far, the small talk has provided a decent distraction from the tense atmosphere that the evening has descended into as the carriage rattles its way back to the square. Then Kyle has to ask about his magic, and the question lands like a punch to the gut. In the dark of Wilhelm's thoughts, that tarot card burns perpetually.
[ He means to respond, he really does. But there is a sudden flurry of activity that interrupts his response. A call to a meeting, first with Ambrose and then one directly from the Queen. In between he tries to look for Wilhelm, but the boy is nowhere to be found.
It's noticeable - and a little concerning, when he's escorted to the throne room by guards.
They watch the destruction rain down on a city. The Queen speaks of open war. His thoughts scramble in the aftermath, and Wilhelm isn't the first person he contacts - there's someone in the Free Cities he sends a message to and waits for a response the second he is able to get out of the throne room.
But not long after that conversation concludes, his mind circles back: ]
What happened after we met with Ambrose? Why were there guards with you?
[The answers to all the questions clattering around in his head come soon enough. What the tarot cards were supposed to do. How many cards were entrusted to their care, not one of them escaping that small parcel of responsibility.
Most of them had squared up to the task. But not all of them, and a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. The spell had broken because a card had been damaged.
As Ambrose makes this grim pronouncement, Wilhelm looks away — half sure that if he meets the mage's eye, he'll be able to see inside his skull and find the singed edges of his tarot card there. His chest tightens. His knees wobble. His arms prickle as if his own edges are wearing away.
The moment they're dismissed, he pushes through the study door and spills out into the corridor. In the stream of people flowing solemnly toward the throne room, he slips away.
When he reappears in the throne room, several minutes late and shadowed by a guard, his face is pale. And it only gets paler. He'd burned a card, and someone was dead. He'd burned a card, and a whole city was on fire.]
I wasn't feeling well. I just had to sit down for a minute.
[By which he means he was having a panic attack and needed to find an empty nook in which to collect himself.]
The guard that found me seemed to take it personally.
[ He has no reason to suspect Wilhelm might not be telling the truth - they had just learned a fellow summoned was injured and someone else had been murdered. He expects that might affect the boy even before he saw the Queen's attack... ]
I'm sorry. I know this is a lot to take in. Please, please be careful. Do what you can to keep your head down, don't give the guards or anyone else from the castle a reason to turn their eye on you. Their anger is focused on the Free Cities right now, but we're outsiders here too.
[He knows Kyle is trying to help, but his advice only sharpens Wilhelm's anxiety. Had the queen noticed his tardiness? Would the guard bother to report the incident to her? Would his attempted vanishing act inflame suspicion?
From the throne room, he'd gone straight to his bed, where he oscillates between hoping to actually disappear and trying not to throw up. Unfortunately, throwing up seems the more likely outcome of the night — and every passing minute tilts the odds more decisively in its favor.]
I'll be careful. Don't worry.
[He shouldn't ask, but...]
Do you think they'll find out who ruined the spell?
[ He's starting to have his suspicions and oh, he really hopes that Wilhelm was miles away from whatever happened. But if he wasn't - ]
No, it probably won't. They still need to be very careful.
But if it was an accident, that person isn't responsible for what's happened. Ambrose made it sound like more than one of the cards failed, and in any case, they were caught off guard from the beginning. The blame lays squarely on whoever attacked the delegates and killed that mage, and the queen for giving in to her anger.
They should do their best to remember that.
[ He can hear John telling him something similar, many years ago in those other memories.
He imagines it doesn't sound as convincing as John managed it, though. ]
Wilhelm tries to find reassurance in Kyle's words, but he's not at all convinced. If it was his tarot card alone that broke the protection spell, then he's left with the irrefutable fact that a man would still be alive if not for his fucking up. And if there was another damaged card, and the spell would have failed even if he executed the task flawlessly, then...at least he would know that he'd done all he could. At least he wouldn't be suffocating under the weight of this guilt.]
I guess you're right.
[He needs to move away from this subject, but he doesn't know what else to say. All of his thoughts spiral around the burned card, the queen's rage, the erupting war.]
[ He hurts for Wilhelm, but not nearly so much as the boy must be feeling. ]
I'm only saying the things I wish someone else might've cared enough to say to me when I was your age, and felt like my guilt for the things I'd done would never leave me.
[ Someone like John.
He hopes Wilhelm has someone here for him like that. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
save him
[He's not always great at remembering names, but it did strike him as sort of funny that a guy who steps out of portals would have a name as ordinary as Kyle.]
I'm okay.
[Well, that's what you're supposed to say, anyway.]
I didn't see you at the werewolf party.
no subject
How was the Lunar ceremony?
no subject
It was cool. Beautiful, with all the lanterns lit up.
I don't even want to know what part I was eating of whatever animal that was.
no subject
It's a shame they don't let us take photos. Or have cameras at all.
How goes your magic practice?
haha yikes
A minute spins away before he responds.]
Fine, I guess.
[No, he will not elaborate.]
Did any messengers show up where you were?
no subject
It's noticeable - and a little concerning, when he's escorted to the throne room by guards.
They watch the destruction rain down on a city. The Queen speaks of open war. His thoughts scramble in the aftermath, and Wilhelm isn't the first person he contacts - there's someone in the Free Cities he sends a message to and waits for a response the second he is able to get out of the throne room.
But not long after that conversation concludes, his mind circles back: ]
What happened after we met with Ambrose? Why were there guards with you?
no subject
Most of them had squared up to the task. But not all of them, and a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. The spell had broken because a card had been damaged.
As Ambrose makes this grim pronouncement, Wilhelm looks away — half sure that if he meets the mage's eye, he'll be able to see inside his skull and find the singed edges of his tarot card there. His chest tightens. His knees wobble. His arms prickle as if his own edges are wearing away.
The moment they're dismissed, he pushes through the study door and spills out into the corridor. In the stream of people flowing solemnly toward the throne room, he slips away.
When he reappears in the throne room, several minutes late and shadowed by a guard, his face is pale. And it only gets paler. He'd burned a card, and someone was dead. He'd burned a card, and a whole city was on fire.]
I wasn't feeling well. I just had to sit down for a minute.
[By which he means he was having a panic attack and needed to find an empty nook in which to collect himself.]
The guard that found me seemed to take it personally.
so sorry for this
I'm sorry. I know this is a lot to take in. Please, please be careful. Do what you can to keep your head down, don't give the guards or anyone else from the castle a reason to turn their eye on you. Their anger is focused on the Free Cities right now, but we're outsiders here too.
no subject
From the throne room, he'd gone straight to his bed, where he oscillates between hoping to actually disappear and trying not to throw up. Unfortunately, throwing up seems the more likely outcome of the night — and every passing minute tilts the odds more decisively in its favor.]
I'll be careful. Don't worry.
[He shouldn't ask, but...]
Do you think they'll find out who ruined the spell?
no subject
I don't know, I'm not sure how the spell was meant to work.
[ He got the sense that at the moment their focus is on the item found on the delegate. A slight pause. ]
Did you see something during after the ceremony, when we were told to place our cards?
no subject
[Kneejerk denial. The problem with brain-texting is that it doesn't allow for much mediation between thought and reply.]
I mean, I was just focused on getting it done. We didn't have a lot of time.
no subject
[ There's another break between parts of the message. His words are chosen carefully. ]
Everyone was rushing around, trying to work unseen. Anything could have happened. Intentional or accidental.
no subject
She's really pissed off.
[And he should really shut up now.]
no subject
No, it probably won't. They still need to be very careful.
But if it was an accident, that person isn't responsible for what's happened. Ambrose made it sound like more than one of the cards failed, and in any case, they were caught off guard from the beginning. The blame lays squarely on whoever attacked the delegates and killed that mage, and the queen for giving in to her anger.
They should do their best to remember that.
[ He can hear John telling him something similar, many years ago in those other memories.
He imagines it doesn't sound as convincing as John managed it, though. ]
no subject
Wilhelm tries to find reassurance in Kyle's words, but he's not at all convinced. If it was his tarot card alone that broke the protection spell, then he's left with the irrefutable fact that a man would still be alive if not for his fucking up. And if there was another damaged card, and the spell would have failed even if he executed the task flawlessly, then...at least he would know that he'd done all he could. At least he wouldn't be suffocating under the weight of this guilt.]
I guess you're right.
[He needs to move away from this subject, but he doesn't know what else to say. All of his thoughts spiral around the burned card, the queen's rage, the erupting war.]
Sorry for making you worry.
no subject
[ He hurts for Wilhelm, but not nearly so much as the boy must be feeling. ]
I'm only saying the things I wish someone else might've cared enough to say to me when I was your age, and felt like my guilt for the things I'd done would never leave me.
[ Someone like John.
He hopes Wilhelm has someone here for him like that. ]
no subject
What are you talking about? I placed my card like I was supposed to.
[Which is technically true. It's just that the thing was burnt to a crisp.]
no subject
Feel better, Wilhelm.
[ Just be careful. ]