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Hey.
[ He doesn't know why he's saying anything. It's not going to help anything. ]
Could we meet up in Nocwich, it's pretty soon? I'm going through some shit, I'd like to see you.
[ He doesn't know why he's saying anything. It's not going to help anything. ]
Could we meet up in Nocwich, it's pretty soon? I'm going through some shit, I'd like to see you.
[Jesper has been quiet lately, which is odd enough to throw Wilhelm into concern. He's used to hearing from him every few days — random thoughts, stupid inside jokes, little flirtations. Just when he's about to check on him, Jesper, as if sensing the bend of his thoughts, messages him first.]
Yeah, of course, Jes.
What's going on?
[ It's hard to think about. It's hard to feel. It's hard to everything. ]
Inej is gone.
Inej is gone.
[It lands like a punch to the gut. That has more to with Jesper's feelings than his own. He'd liked Inej, of course, and they were bound together by what happened in the pit in a way he can't fully articulate, but Jesper—]
I'm so sorry.
Whatever you need me for, I'm here. I know I can't make it better, but
I'm here for you.
She's been my constant from the start, I've never been without her, not for years. I honestly don't know what to do without her.
It's hard, losing someone that important to you.[In the year and a half he's been here, Wilhelm has lost friends to the fickle whims of whatever magic binds them to this world. Elrond is the latest and sharpest example. But even that, he knows, isn't quite on the same level as Jesper's loss.
The closest point of reference he has is Erik's death. His brother was there all his life, until suddenly he wasn't. It was like the sun imploding, sending all the planets that used to orbit around it spinning out into the dark nothing.]
Maybe you'll see her again someday?
Maybe. It's hard to think clearly about it. Going back means that she's reunited with her family and stopping slavers, something she was happy about. So going back is better for her.
[ But not better for him and Kaz, stuck here without her. ]
[ But not better for him and Kaz, stuck here without her. ]
Yeah, she'd been separated from her family since she was young, when she was taken by slavers. Kaz found them and brought them to Ketterdam. I told her that happened but she never got to experience it. Now she gets to.
It hurts so much I think I'm going to die.
It hurts so much I think I'm going to die.
She'll be so happy to see her family again. It sounds like she has a lot of good things waiting for her back home.[But he knows. He knows that kind of bottomless hurt.]
I wish I could make it hurt less, Jes. We'll be able to see each other soon, and we can do whatever you want then.
She does. She'll be happier there than she was here, even if she was trying to make the most of her life here, with us. And she wouldn't want us to be without her.
[ But that's Inej. Even if it was better for her back home, she'd want to be there for them. To take care of them. So it's selfish, to wish her back, that's the point. He can't wish her back. ]
Thank everything Kaz is here because I think I would go absolutely insane.
[ But that's Inej. Even if it was better for her back home, she'd want to be there for them. To take care of them. So it's selfish, to wish her back, that's the point. He can't wish her back. ]
Thank everything Kaz is here because I think I would go absolutely insane.
[ That's what the 'sometimes' means. Sometimes he loves this place and everyone in it, but this part, this part sucks. ]
Yeah, that might give some closure to us, knowing that it's coming. Instead I'm left with all of her things and a mission.
Yeah, that might give some closure to us, knowing that it's coming. Instead I'm left with all of her things and a mission.
Inej got information on some guy who had been disappeared after being a rival to our overlord martial law lady. She wanted us to investigate.
Yeah, I think it'll be good to give us something to focus on. And we know it was what she wanted.
I'm not getting rid of her things just in case, I'm packing it up. She was her over two years.
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