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[Fuck. He's being way too obvious. Dumbass.
Wilhelm tries to find reassurance in Kyle's words, but he's not at all convinced. If it was his tarot card alone that broke the protection spell, then he's left with the irrefutable fact that a man would still be alive if not for his fucking up. And if there was another damaged card, and the spell would have failed even if he executed the task flawlessly, then...at least he would know that he'd done all he could. At least he wouldn't be suffocating under the weight of this guilt.]
I guess you're right.
[He needs to move away from this subject, but he doesn't know what else to say. All of his thoughts spiral around the burned card, the queen's rage, the erupting war.]
Sorry for making you worry.
Wilhelm tries to find reassurance in Kyle's words, but he's not at all convinced. If it was his tarot card alone that broke the protection spell, then he's left with the irrefutable fact that a man would still be alive if not for his fucking up. And if there was another damaged card, and the spell would have failed even if he executed the task flawlessly, then...at least he would know that he'd done all he could. At least he wouldn't be suffocating under the weight of this guilt.]
I guess you're right.
[He needs to move away from this subject, but he doesn't know what else to say. All of his thoughts spiral around the burned card, the queen's rage, the erupting war.]
Sorry for making you worry.
You don't have to apologize.
[ He hurts for Wilhelm, but not nearly so much as the boy must be feeling. ]
I'm only saying the things I wish someone else might've cared enough to say to me when I was your age, and felt like my guilt for the things I'd done would never leave me.
[ Someone like John.
He hopes Wilhelm has someone here for him like that. ]
[ He hurts for Wilhelm, but not nearly so much as the boy must be feeling. ]
I'm only saying the things I wish someone else might've cared enough to say to me when I was your age, and felt like my guilt for the things I'd done would never leave me.
[ Someone like John.
He hopes Wilhelm has someone here for him like that. ]
[ There is a note slipped under Wilhelm's door. It hadn't taken much asking around to find out which room is his; the cleaning staff know everyone, and Rhy makes it a point to be kind to them.
He could have messaged using the magic they all have to talk to one another, but the truth is, Rhy doesn't prefer it. It still feels intrusive. This gives Wilhelm time and space. ]
I haven't seen you taking meals lately. I know a lot has happened, and it must be overwhelming.
If you need a friend, you know where to find me.
- Rhy
He could have messaged using the magic they all have to talk to one another, but the truth is, Rhy doesn't prefer it. It still feels intrusive. This gives Wilhelm time and space. ]
I haven't seen you taking meals lately. I know a lot has happened, and it must be overwhelming.
If you need a friend, you know where to find me.
- Rhy
[The note slid under his door is so kind, it makes his heart ache. Wilhelm isn't so sure that he deserves kindness right now, but he's desperate for it — for anything to soften all of this just a little. Still, it takes him the better part of an hour to decide to reach out to Rhy.]
Can I come see you?
Can I come see you?
Of course. I'll meet you in the garden on second floor of the north wing in a few minutes.
[ It isn't far, and Wilhelm's caught him at a good time, having just finished his shift at the infirmary for the day. Right now, they're mostly preparing, though there is an undeniable sense of grimness among the healers, an underlying knowledge that things are probably going to get worse. It's why they're stocking up and making plenty of potions now.
Rhy stops by his room to change, putting on a loose white shirt, worn partially unbuttoned, and fitted but comfortable trousers. He might be a little late, but not by much. ]
Wilhelm?
[ It isn't far, and Wilhelm's caught him at a good time, having just finished his shift at the infirmary for the day. Right now, they're mostly preparing, though there is an undeniable sense of grimness among the healers, an underlying knowledge that things are probably going to get worse. It's why they're stocking up and making plenty of potions now.
Rhy stops by his room to change, putting on a loose white shirt, worn partially unbuttoned, and fitted but comfortable trousers. He might be a little late, but not by much. ]
Wilhelm?
[He takes a few minutes to look presentable, which mostly involves yanking a comb through his hair and throwing on a shirt. Then, to emerge from the stale fug of his room.
The garden in question perches on a terrace overlooking one of the castle's courtyards. Sometimes he comes here to relax, or at least to try. Now, the peace created by the overflowing greenery and agreeable flowers seems a falsehood when he knows half the world is on fire. Well, maybe not half the world, but...a fraction that's still too wide.
Wilhelm turns at the sound of his name. It could be because he hasn't really seen anybody in days, slipping by in a spectral haze — or it could be something about Rhy specifically, pulling him in like the tide — but whatever the reason, his greeting is not verbal. He simply walks up to Rhy, throws his arms around him, and buries his face in his shoulder.]
The garden in question perches on a terrace overlooking one of the castle's courtyards. Sometimes he comes here to relax, or at least to try. Now, the peace created by the overflowing greenery and agreeable flowers seems a falsehood when he knows half the world is on fire. Well, maybe not half the world, but...a fraction that's still too wide.
Wilhelm turns at the sound of his name. It could be because he hasn't really seen anybody in days, slipping by in a spectral haze — or it could be something about Rhy specifically, pulling him in like the tide — but whatever the reason, his greeting is not verbal. He simply walks up to Rhy, throws his arms around him, and buries his face in his shoulder.]
[there's an additional scrawl for time, along with the location.]
Meet me at the Winking Cauldron.
We're going to be a fire brigade.
[ There's something in the look on Wilhelm's face. Rhy knows, instantly. He opens his arms. ]
Hey...
[ Rhy embraces him, one hand in Wilhelm's hair, cradling the back of his head with an honest, open tenderness, the other arm around the young man's waist. Pulling him close, Rhy simply holds him like that, standing in the garden, letting him take all the time he needs. ]
I have you. You're all right.
Hey...
[ Rhy embraces him, one hand in Wilhelm's hair, cradling the back of his head with an honest, open tenderness, the other arm around the young man's waist. Pulling him close, Rhy simply holds him like that, standing in the garden, letting him take all the time he needs. ]
I have you. You're all right.
[Funny how that pronouncement, you're all right, just makes him feel all the readier to fall apart. He takes it as permission to sink into the embrace, holding onto Rhy like he's the one thing preventing him from drowning. For a moment, he imagines Simon's arms circling him, the familiar stroke of his fingers through his hair. It's a sweeter comfort and a different kind of ache at once.
Wilhelm murmurs into Rhy's shoulder:]
I don't know what to do. I feel like...I'm suffocating.
[Maybe that doesn't make half as much sense as it did in his head, but he needs him to understand anyway. The question looms over him: does Rhy know what he'd done? Rhy and Kell seem like the kind of brothers who hold few secrets between them. So either he knows, and he's choosing compassion over disappointment — or only his ignorance enables this moment of reprieve.]
Wilhelm murmurs into Rhy's shoulder:]
I don't know what to do. I feel like...I'm suffocating.
[Maybe that doesn't make half as much sense as it did in his head, but he needs him to understand anyway. The question looms over him: does Rhy know what he'd done? Rhy and Kell seem like the kind of brothers who hold few secrets between them. So either he knows, and he's choosing compassion over disappointment — or only his ignorance enables this moment of reprieve.]
Edited 2022-09-27 22:49 (UTC)
Being visible.
Helping by putting the fires out in Nott.
[yeah guess what he's thought the same thing already]
You literally can't make it worse.
I know.
[ Rhy gives him a gentle squeeze, rubbing his back. He doesn't pull back until Wilhelm does, letting him linger in the embrace as long as he needs. ]
It's awful, all of it.
Now, with me. Deep breath in. [ He demonstrates, holding it a moment, and on the exhale: ] And out.
[ Rhy gives him a gentle squeeze, rubbing his back. He doesn't pull back until Wilhelm does, letting him linger in the embrace as long as he needs. ]
It's awful, all of it.
Now, with me. Deep breath in. [ He demonstrates, holding it a moment, and on the exhale: ] And out.
To protect from the fire. And I suppose the rain spell itself.
I'll handle the rain.
[Matching Rhy, he fills his lungs slowly, holds it, and then releases it in measured seconds. He's done breathing exercises like this hundreds of times, always pulling himself down from some precarious ledge nobody else sees. But never with somebody else, their arms bracing him, their breath rising and falling together. Gradually, the jagged edges of his anxiety erode.
The truth is, Wilhelm could stay like this for much longer. When he pulls away after a minute, his withdrawal is reluctant, his hand lingering on Rhy's forearm to maintain a link to him. He fights the urge to apologize for nothing, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.]
Thank you. For checking on me.
[His eyebrows pinch together, and his fingers curl in Rhy's sleeve.]
Did...your brother tell you anything?
[About what happened at the Lunar Pond.]
The truth is, Wilhelm could stay like this for much longer. When he pulls away after a minute, his withdrawal is reluctant, his hand lingering on Rhy's forearm to maintain a link to him. He fights the urge to apologize for nothing, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.]
Thank you. For checking on me.
[His eyebrows pinch together, and his fingers curl in Rhy's sleeve.]
Did...your brother tell you anything?
[About what happened at the Lunar Pond.]
Kell tells me all sorts of things. You'll have to be a little more specific than that.
[ There's something burdening Wilhelm, clearly enough. Rhy's tone is patient, waiting for him to find the courage to get it off his chest. In the meantime, he takes Wilhelm's hand and leads him to a bench in an alcove surrounded by blossoming ivy that drapes like curtains down the arch. ]
Sit with me. Take your time.
[ There's something burdening Wilhelm, clearly enough. Rhy's tone is patient, waiting for him to find the courage to get it off his chest. In the meantime, he takes Wilhelm's hand and leads him to a bench in an alcove surrounded by blossoming ivy that drapes like curtains down the arch. ]
Sit with me. Take your time.
[He lets Rhy lead him, curling their fingers together as if any loosening of their contact could spell his own unraveling. Hidden by the ivy, they spend a moment suspended in silence as Wilhelm constructs the story in his head. It's not a complicated story. The whole thing slides on a linear line, if P then Q, and yet — he doesn't know how to begin. With his heart thudding in his throat, he almost doesn't tell it at all.
But if he doesn't, then Kell might. Somehow, that would be worse.
And Rhy is kindness given form, eyes sympathetic and words patient. That makes it easier to uncurl his fist from around this secret he's keeping. When he finally opens up, though, what trips out is not the beginning of the story, but the conclusion.]
I fucked up. [So quiet that he's not entirely sure he said it at all. Gulping down his nerves, he starts over.] That night at the party. I wanted to help. I was trying to help, and I thought, you know, with my fire I could actually do something for once. So...
[Finding his hand at his mouth, teeth scraping at his thumbnail — with no memory of starting it — he grips the seat of the bench instead. Somewhere in this pause, he hopes Rhy fills in the blanks on his own.]
But if he doesn't, then Kell might. Somehow, that would be worse.
And Rhy is kindness given form, eyes sympathetic and words patient. That makes it easier to uncurl his fist from around this secret he's keeping. When he finally opens up, though, what trips out is not the beginning of the story, but the conclusion.]
I fucked up. [So quiet that he's not entirely sure he said it at all. Gulping down his nerves, he starts over.] That night at the party. I wanted to help. I was trying to help, and I thought, you know, with my fire I could actually do something for once. So...
[Finding his hand at his mouth, teeth scraping at his thumbnail — with no memory of starting it — he grips the seat of the bench instead. Somewhere in this pause, he hopes Rhy fills in the blanks on his own.]
[ Rhy waits for him patiently, watching Wilhelm's face and the warring expressions that flicker over it, the tension in his jaw and shoulders. He doesn't press. Eventually, the young man gets out the words, and Rhy... nods.
He sits back slightly, realizing he'd been leaning in perhaps too far into Wilhelm's space. A soft breath escapes him, not exactly a sigh, but a noise of realization. ]
...ah. Yes, that. Kell did tell me about that.
[ Before Wilhelm can get the wrong idea, he continues: ]
He's far angrier with himself than with you.
He sits back slightly, realizing he'd been leaning in perhaps too far into Wilhelm's space. A soft breath escapes him, not exactly a sigh, but a noise of realization. ]
...ah. Yes, that. Kell did tell me about that.
[ Before Wilhelm can get the wrong idea, he continues: ]
He's far angrier with himself than with you.
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